When should I use direct thought?
If I had my way I’d make up a rule outlawing direct thought. I hate it because it often breaks a story’s spell, especially when italics are used to denote it.
What is direct thought? It’s when you use italics or quotation marks to show that a character is speaking to him or herself but not out loud with his or her voice.
Example: Agent Story was sweating. Not one of the kids in the gym laughed at her stock market joke. Don’t these kids know anything about money?
Example: Agent Story was sweating. Not one of the kids in the gym laughed at her stock market joke. “Don’t these kids know anything about money?” she thought.
The last bit in italics or quotation marks is what we call direct thought. It’s what Agent Story is thinking but not saying out loud. This is how I would rewrite this action using straight narrative or what is called indirect thought.
Example: Agent Story was sweating. Not one of the kids in the gym laughed at her stock market joke. She couldn’t believe that they knew so little about money. What on earth were parents teaching their kids these days she wondered. After all, financial products are becoming more, not less, complicated. She knew that the task of building financially literate high school graduates was going to be monumental. She hoped that she had the energy to pull it off.
Note that when indirect thought goes on for more than a sentence or two it becomes an interior monologue. My advice…just narrate your characters’ thoughts indirectly and if you absolutely must use direct thought, try the quotation mark format because it is less distracting than italics. But note, use italics OR quotation marks to show direct thoughts for your whole story; don’t switch back and forth.
